Is it because we know we could do better? Is it because we should do better? Did someone tells us at some point in our life that we weren’t good enought for x,y,z? Or is it a way we motivate ourselves?
Either way. It can suck.
Recently I had a midterm for my personal training certification program. Personal Training is something I considered years ago. I love anything related to fitness, health, mind-body practices, nutrition, food, natural remedies, holistic health, movement, dance, anything about the body really.
My passion is in fitness and health and, this past year, I decided to go all in! I love helping and motivating other people to improve themselves. To see and hear someone having results in one of my accountability groups, makes me so happy!
So my course is self-pace but a guided study program, and it’s online. With a family, a toddler, day job, teaching yoga and running a side biz, this was the perfect option for me.
The week before Thanksgiving I finished an assignment and reviewed the syllabus. I realized the midterm was due the week of Thanksgiving, which was the next week. I started to slowly go into panic mode – jaw dropping, eye opening, heartrate rising and the other symptoms that make up a panic attack. I emailed my Coach/Mentor to ask if I would be penalized if was late taking it. She reassured me I was fine and that it was self-pace.
Well, you’d think this would ease up the panic attack right? WRONG!
I basically had a prolonged panic attack for the rest of that week and the following week. Thanksgiving was a great distraction! Thank God! But then I would come back to reality and start beating myself up.
I would say things to myself like, “how could you do that?”, “what were you thinking”, “you should’ve known better”, “you’re gonna fail”, “you’re a failure”, “what a waste”, “I’ll never know what I’m suppose to do with my life”, “you suck”, and it goes on and on and on, even repeats.
Then it got even better! I would take some practice exams and my results would be all over the place – pass one time, fail a whole bunch of times. I really started to get scared and my self-confidence started to go DOWN! Then I had a huge meltdown the day I was going to take the midterm – full out crying session.
So how did I ease up on myself? I did the following 3 things, and you may have a different approach, but this actually calmed me the f*^k down and I PASSED!
1) I called a friend I trusted – someone who wasn’t going to try and “fix” me or judge me. Someone who was going to witness and listen.
2) I did alternate nostril breathing and a 5 minute meditation – this type of breating technique calms the nervous system and brings down the heartrate! This totally grounded me.
3) I went for a brisk walk before taking the exam – not only did this give me some fresh air and scenery, but studies have shown that exercise can not only relieve stress, but boost scores! Check out this article HERE.
I think we all could use some self-compassion and self-love, especially us mommas!! We tend to throw ourselves to the wayside and then we’re empty. But this goes for anyone!
Are you hard on yourself?